The Imposter
by Hedwig'sOwl
Summary: Sirius returns from the Veil to find that his godson, once a teenager has now become a man. One that appeals to Sirius in too many ways. Trying to deal with his inappropriate feelings, Sirius struggles to salvage his strained relationship with his godson. Harry/Sirius slash. Sirius/other...kind of.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I am not JK Rowling and I do not own Harry Potter. I am not making money from this story, it is purely for entertainment.

* * *

 **Chapter 1:**

Sirius wandered over to the wireless in the dusty corner of the room and tapped it with his wand, waiting until the smooth jazz sounds filled the room. Pouring a glass of Firewhiskey, he walked back to his seat at the kitchen table; the flickering flames of the fire the only light illuminating the room. He picked up the copy of the _Daily Prophet_ that had arrived that morning and sighed deeply as the object of his troubled thoughts appeared before him on the front page.

 ** _THE BOY WHO LIVED INVOLVED IN RECENT DEATH EATER ARREST_**

"Bollocks." Tossing the paper aside, Sirius leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes, letting the music flow over him as he knocked back the last of the amber liquid. Between the hypnotic light, the strong alcohol and the soothing notes that eased into him, Sirius found himself dozing slightly, somewhere between sleep and awake.

He didn't know how much time had passed.

The fire was little more than a sprinkling of burning ash when Sirius heard the sharp knock at his door. He groaned heavily yet made no move to grant his visitor entry, knowing only too well who dared to call at his hour. Instead, he sat at the worn table barely moving, staring into the dying embers until his vision became distorted and the only sound he could hear was the steady beat of his heart. And then, through the silence came the steady echo of footsteps through the hallway.

 _'Perhaps,'_ Sirius thought, ' _the blur of sandy hair and brown tweed that is filling my peripheral vision is only a hallucination brought on by my drink-addled brain.'_

"I never knew you enjoyed jazz, my friend?" Remus chirped, cocking his ear to the softly playing music as he breezed into the room, a painfully cheerful smile in place. Sirius rolled his eyes.

 _'Apparently not.'_

"Man of many interests." He responded finally, his eyes narrowed on the hideously floral dish held within his friend's scarred and worn hands. "Let me guess….beef stew?"

"Correct."

"I don't want it." Sirius said, characteristically blunt. Remus just stared back at him, still smiling and silent. "Every time is sit down to get good and drunk, you appear with my dear cousin's cooking and we have a very meaningful conversation." Sirius smirked. "Quite frankly, I'd rather have my balls cut off with a dull knife than talk about my feelings."

"Thank you for that very graphic example, Sirius" Remus said lightly, dropping into the chair across from him and passing the casserole dish between them on the table. Accepting his fate, Sirius summoned a fork from the sink and speared a carrot from the luke-warm bowl. He waited. As usual, it wasn't long before his friend spoke without the usual preamble.

"Harry called by to see Teddy today." Remus began gently. Sirius focused on chewing his food, trying to ignore the dull stab of pain in his heart at the sound of his godson's name. "He never spoke about you in so many words, but I can tell he's hurt at how you've been treating him. Quite honestly friend, I don't like it much either."

"Stay the fuck out of it, Remus."

The inevitable arguments went back and forth yet even to Sirius' own ears it sounded….tired. It was a script they had rehearsed so many times before, that without fail, left Remus frustrated, and Sirius filled with guilt.

"Sirius" Remus began in what Sirius liked to refer to as his "teacher-voice". He could almost imagine his old friend sitting behind his desk at Hogwarts, listening to whatever problems the next brat had divulged with his usual kindness and patience. "It's only natural for it to take time for you to settle back into your life again-"

I should be older than you." Sirius interrupted softly, still staring unseeingly into the dying fire. The food lying forgotten before him. "Three months, one week and five days. Instead, I'm eight years younger." He blinked and the world came back into focus with sudden clarity. He turned to his friend.

"What's natural about that?" He asked forcefully, ignoring the tense atmosphere that had surrounded them with the sudden turn in conversation. "What's dead should stay dead. When I fell through that Veil I should have stayed gone."

"You're thinking about this in the wrong way, Sirius. You were given a gift - a new chance at life. Don't throw that away out of guilt. You mean everything to Harry."

"He'll survive without me. He did before. The man he's become is…incredible." Sirius finished softly, hating the unveiled affection and admiration in this voice.

"Yes, he is." Remus agreed with a small smile. "Even I underestimated him. I couldn't be prouder of him for what he's done; the man he is but after you died Sirius, it was like a part of him left with you. He was never the same. I saw a part of that come back when you returned. And now, you're treating him like a stranger. It's destroying him."

"And what if I've come back wrong somehow?" He saw Remus flinch at the coldness in his voice but he continued ruthlessly. "What if I'm wrong?"

"How could you be wrong? You've just been gone a long time, Padfoot. I'm sure it feels strange."

"You don't understand." Sirius snapped, jumping to his feet to pour himself another glass of Firewhiskey. "The things I want, what I feel since I came back…I can't" He finished lamely with a small shake of his head. He couldn't divulge his deepest, darkest desires; couldn't bear to see the disgust that would appear on his oldest friend's face when he said it aloud; couldn't admit the monster he had become. Instead he walked back to his seat and faced the other man, a smirk firmly in place. He knew this could only end one way-badly. It was up to him how badly it would end. He knew Remus well enough by now to know it was better to make a passing joke than to try and ignore his brief admission. "I think I've turned straight. I must have caught it from you."

"Sirius, that's not funny."

"It's a little bit funny." Sirius said with a small smile. Remus only stared back at him stonily, his eyes determined and unflinching.

"That is not what you meant, Sirius and you know it."

"Yes, well." Sirius said casually, emphasizing his words by waving his glass of whiskey. "I have an appointment that I can't miss so if you could make yourself scarce, I'd appreciate it."

Remus sighed disapprovingly. "Still sleeping your way through every man in London? Haven't you had enough?"

"How many times have I told you, Remus?" Sirius replied, getting to his feet and shoving his friend unceremoniously towards the fireplace. "There's no such thing. Now, why don't you scamper off home to your wife and son and leave me to my wicked ways?"

"Sirius, what you said-"

"Another time." Sirius said firmly. "Busy, busy."

Remus tilted his head and studied Sirius silently for a moment. "Maybe you should take some time and visit your godson. I know he'd give anything to see you."

"He has his little girlfriend and his friends and his perfect job to occupy him." Sirius said lightly, despite the pain in his gut at the thought. "I'm sure he barely even realises I'm gone."

He finished with a final shove towards the fireplace and finally Remus relented. With a wave of his hand in farewell, he was gone in a flash of green until all that was left in the kitchen was silence. Sirius moved back towards his seat with mixed emotions, his mind reeling over the events that had led him to this point as he awaited his "appointment."

Sirius Black had now resorted to paying for sex.

The thought of it was laughable from every imaginable angle but Sirius was not laughing. Instead he was filled with disgust at what he was about to do but he couldn't resist the temptation any longer. And so he had succumbed to the need that had plagued him since he re-entered this world. He only hoped he could live with the guilt that he was sure would come later.

It had been six months since Sirius had returned from the Veil with no memory but that of the fear in his godson's eyes as he fell. In a blink of an eye, eight years had past and the awkward teenager he had been ripped from had become a man, the war had ended and he was free. He should have been rejoicing but instead he had locked himself away in Grimmauld Place; away from the one person who meant everything to him.

Sirius shook his head and looked to the grandfather clock that towered in the far corner of the room. Ten minutes. It seemed like every minute was ticking by in a second and yet, at the same time, it felt like an eternity. His hands shook slightly as he poured himself another glass of whiskey, trying to calm the nervous anticipation by reminding himself that he would come soon enough.

' _Never."_ A voice in his head said mockingly. _'He's not the one you want.'_

Heart pounding, Sirius turned his head sharply towards the fireplace as the flames grew large and turned green. The man who walked out of the grate looked like he had barely turned twenty. He had blond hair, brown eyes and was shorter in stature than he had been expecting but then again, only one man would satisfy Sirius' expectations. And this was not him.

"You're late." Sirius said bluntly, internally grateful that his voice did not reflect his nervousness. "Don't let it happen again."

"Sorry." The boy said awkwardly, shuffling from one foot to another as Sirius studied him in silence. He straightened suddenly, filled with a youthful arrogance that Sirius had so commonly used when he was teenager. "So do you approve of me?"

"Not quite." Reaching into his breast pocket, Sirius withdrew the small flask and pushed it towards the other man. "Polyjuice potion." He explained simply. "Your agency assured me that it wasn't a problem."

"Oh, not at all." He replied, lifting the flask in his hand and peering into the bright gold mixture. "We do it all the time."

"Good." Sirius said softly, draining the end of his glass and reaching for the bottle with his empty hand. "There is enough there to last a few hours a night, for a week and exactly a week so don't even think about selling any of it down Knockturn Alley or I will see that you spend the rest of your life in a dark, dank cell. Understood?"

"Loud and clear." The boy replied. "Nothing is more important to me than my client's privacy."

"Glad to hear it." Sirius replied dryly before he turned and stared into the dying fire. "I expect you here every night at eight, not a minute later. You'll get paid the agreed amount before anything happens and at the end of the week, we'll discuss any further business. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

A shiver race down his spine at the rough and husky voice that reached his ears and he knew without turning around that the polyjuice potion had taken affect. Sirius gritted his teeth in an effort to regain some sort of control but he could feel his breathing begin to accelerate at the scent and nearness that assailed him. Turning on his heel, Sirius' grey eyes locked with the bright emerald of his godson for the first time in over a month.

"Harry…" He whispered, reaching out a trembling hand to stroke his cheek. He couldn't deny the throb in his blood and his cock at the sight of his godson, but some part of his conscience was screaming at him to stop before he crossed this line. If he did, he could never turn back. Did he really want this?

" _Fuck yes!"_ His mind screamed. Sirius had wanted this from the day he had held his godson in his arms for the first time and marvelled at the man he had become, no longer the boy he had left behind. Tilting his head, Sirius allowed himself to study the features of the man before him without fear of rejection or reproach. The skin beneath his fingertips was still as pale as it had been as a teenager; his eyes still as large and bright but he no longer held that youthful appearance that Sirius remembered. His features were sharper, more pronounced and his jaw was almost permanently covered in a light stubble. His body had filled out over the years of training and working as an Auror and he had grown to almost the same height as Sirius. Just small enough to tuck his head beneath Sirius' chin. _Perfect._

Sirius didn't realize how long he stood there, drinking in the sight of the man he had wanted more than he had been able to admit, even to himself but the slow, carnal smile that appeared on Harry's lips brought him back to the reality of the situation.

"I want you." Harry whispered softly as he closed the distance between them. Sirius was sure if his heart were to beat any faster it would break his chest. After months, the soft words that were being whispered in the secrecy of the night were real and, for a moment, Sirius allowed himself to fall into fantasy. "I want you inside me."

Sirius' fingers began to move of their own volition as his thumb stroked along his lower lip before burying them deep with the dark mop of hair that fell across his forehead. The younger man moved again until his mouth was only a breath away. Sirius clenched the hair within his hand sharply, halting Harry's progress.

"Stop." He whispered softly, turning his head to the side before Harry's lips could connect with his. That was one intimacy he couldn't explore with this imposter, as strange as it seemed.

"Don't you want to kiss me?"

Without answering, Sirius turned him until the strong warmth of Harry's back was flush against his chest. Burying his nose in the soft hair, he inhaled deeply before he moved his lips along the curve of his neck, leaving a trail of wetness in its wake. Sirius moved his hand down the firm chest and stomach, enjoying the tensing of muscles beneath the thin material of his shirt, until he reached his belt. With quick, deft motions his trousers were released. Sirius' fingers reached into the band of his clothing and curling around Harry's impressive length, feeling him pulse within his grasp. Closing his eyes, Sirius revelled in the shiver and soft moan that assaulted the smaller man in his arms, a painful throb spreading through his chest as he finally realized the strength of his own feelings.

Cursing himself in every language known to him, Sirius tilted his head until his lips found the curve of Harry's ear and in the darkness, he confessed the one thing he could never admit to anyone but this imposter, praying that one day these demons would leave him.

"I love you, Harry."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I am not JK Rowling and I do not own Harry Potter. I am not making money from this story, it is purely for entertainment.

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

"This body appeals to you a lot, doesn't it?" Harry asked softly, coming to stand behind Sirius, the heat of his chest flush against his bare back. He had followed him from the master bedroom where Sirius had taken him several times over the last few hours before dismissing him to quench his need for alcohol. The presence against him told him he had not obeyed.

"Most of my clients ask for multiple people during our time together but not you."

Sirius closed his eyes as he felt a firm hand press against his crotch, rubbing him to hardness once more. It didn't take much. He had discovered over the last week that having sex with this imposter did not ease his hunger in any way, if anything he felt worse afterwards – empty.

"You talk too much." He responded, taking a sip of the Firewhiskey in his hand. He moaned softly when he felt the sharpness of his teeth against his shoulder. Fingers opened the buttons on his jeans with ease, freeing his erection to the cold air that had filled the room with sundown. His eyes rolled into the back of his head with each stroke of his hand.

Sirius slid the glass down the length of the table, watching with faint smugness as it stopped just at the far edge without falling. He turned on the spot, holding the back of Harry's neck in a tight grasp.

"You should know better than to tease me, boy." Sirius' eyes drilled into the man before him. "Take off your trousers."

Sirius watched with hooded eyes as the man scrambled to comply. Grabbing his upper arms, Sirius pivoted them both on the spot until he could force him back against the table, lifting him onto it until he laid spread before him. He stepped forward until Harry's legs were on either side of his waist, lifting them until they draped over his shoulders, bending him in half as his leaned forward.

Sirius rubbed his nose along the side his cheek, enjoying the feel of stubble against his skin as he entered him slowly. Sirius saw him wince slightly at the intrusion but he didn't stop in his movement until he was fully sheathed inside him.

"Tell me you want me." Sirius demanded softly, stroking the sensitive skin between his neck and shoulder.

"I want you." Harry responded seductively, thrusting against him in a silent request to move but Sirius remained still inside him. He moved his hands down the length of his chest, sliding them under the hem of his shirt, softly stroking the sensitive skin hidden beneath –

A giggle erupted from between his lips.

"Don't laugh like that." Sirius snarled, his fingers sinking into the flesh within his grasp. "He doesn't laugh like that."

Sirius felt his temper rage and he gritted his teeth against his rampant thoughts that came. He hadn't thought of their first meeting in a long time, and yet the sound of Harry's laugh had remained close to the surface of Sirius' mind. His laugh was deep yet soft and to hear something so strong and high coming from his lips filled Sirius with an anger he could not explain.

But then, Sirius realized it was only a painful reminder that no matter how identical he looked, this was not Harry who lay beneath him. This was not the Harry from his faded memories. _His_ Harry.

" _Why the hell are you stalling, Kingsley?" Sirius growled impatiently, perching on the edge of his desk to stop himself from pacing the office. "I want to see my godson."_

 _Kingsley raised both hands in the air in a placating manner. "Someone is filling him in as we speak, Sirius. It will take time for him to come around. No offence, my friend…but it's like seeing a ghost. I can't wait for the enquiry into this. This is unlike anything we've ever seen."_

" _Yeah well, I'm not a ghost."_

" _Close enough." A voice countered. Sirius head snapped to the side so fast he was surprised his neck didn't break from the force. There, standing in the doorway, was Harry and he was staring at Sirius with a look of incredulity on his face._

" _It's not possible." He whispered, his voice low and husky._

 _Sirius knew he should have responded, confirmed his doubts but he found his mouth dry, his eyes searching every inch of the person before him. This was not the boy he had left behind; the gangly awkwardness that had plagued his teenage years was gone and in its place, was a silent strength and confidence that seemed to radiate from him. The robes he wore were opened, exposing the grime and blood-stained muggle clothes beneath, faint cuts and bruises covered his skin and his hair was dishevelled in an effortless way James would have envied._

 _As he stared into those familiar eyes, Sirius felt like a teenager again, those nervous flutters appearing in his stomach for the first time since he received his first kiss in the astronomy tower after hours. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Sirius tried to convince himself that it was a normal reaction to seeing a loved one after so much time._

" _You're all grown up." He said finally, wincing at the obviousness of his own observation yet it was all he could see. This was not a child that stood before him. He was a man. One who appealed to Sirius in all the wrong ways._

 _Harry smiled suddenly, a gleam of playfulness appearing and Sirius suddenly realized the most significant change of all. There was darkness buried deep within the emerald green of his eyes that had never been there before, a hidden pain that had come from surviving a war, of leading a battle, of facing death. The pit of his stomach clenched. Those eyes were no less beautiful for their ghosts._

 _Sirius didn't know who made the first move, or if they stepped forward simultaneously but before he knew it, Harry's arms were wrapped around his back and the scent of him had filled his senses. He didn't know how long they stood like that but for the first time since he had awoken, Sirius felt warm again._

" _I missed you so much." Harry whispered in his ear, his warm breath sending shivers coursing down his spine so violently, Sirius was sure he had done it on purpose. Harry didn't appear to be in the same strange discomfort yet despite appearing calm, when Sirius tightened his arms and pulled him closer, he could feel the hammering of his heart against his hard chest. Sirius moved his hand to grip the base of Harry's neck. His skin was warm, and softer than he'd imagined though the muscles were tight beneath the surface. Each place his fingers trailed, a muscle tensed and released._

 _Sirius pulled away first, blinking quickly to rid himself of the moisture that had gathered in the corner of his eyes, his heart sinking from the sudden lack of contact. And as he stared in the green depths of Harry's eyes, he felt his blood grow warm, his pulse pounded through his veins and his stomach careened down from unfathomable heights._

 _He didn't even hear Kingsley leave the room._

" _Back from the dead…" Harry said softly, a small grin playing on his lips._

 _Sirius returned the smile. "Not the only one from what I hear."_

 _Harry unconsciously rubbed his chest where, Sirius guessed, the Killing Curse had struck him. From the corner of his eye, Sirius noticed a deep wound that ran the down his forearm, his pale skin covered in dried blood._

" _You're hurt." Nodding in the direction of his injury._

" _Yeah," Harry responded absently, peering down at his bleeding forearm without concern. "Cutting curse. Death Eater got lucky. I never got the hang of healing spells."_

 _Sirius frowned slightly and pulled the scarf that he had wrapped around his wrist before he died, worn and faded over the years. Distantly, he marvelled that it had remained untouched all these years since he fell through the Veil. Preserved by death. Not unlike himself._

 _"I did but I think I might pass out if I even tried the simplest of spells." He spoke, tying the material over the wound on Harry's arm, stemming the flow of blood. "That should do until you get to a healer."_

" _Thanks." Harry said, flashing Sirius a gentle smile. "It's good to have you back."_

 _Sirius felt heat radiating through his chest at those simple words. To calm the racing of his heart, Sirius ruffled Harry's hair in an attempt at light-heartedness. Harry pushed him away playfully, laughing softly yet genuinely for the first time. Sirius filed the sound away in his memory. Just in case._

The days leading up to the enquiry and the enquiry itself were dreamlike to Sirius' recollection – the clearest memory he had was of emerald eyes and crying. Mostly from Molly for his miraculous return from the grave and a short burst of anger regarding her son and the unfairness of it all. But Harry it seemed was permanently silent or at least to Sirius' foggy memory. All he could recall was his eyes, his comforting presence and a growing hunger that could not be sated.

Before long he was free and the only ounce of happiness he could remember was the strength of Harry's arms surrounding him and Sirius knew something had changed.

Guilt was no foreign emotion to him after the events of that fateful Halloween night but what worried him more was the lengths he was prepared to go to satisfy his need, and the shame that should have come but did not. In the end, he stopped responding to letters, denied entry to his house with pitiful excuses until Harry no longer tried to be around him. Yet he kept, the polyjuice potion he had brewed in pocket at all times for over a month until his desire became too strong.

"Sorry, I couldn't help it-"

"Stop." Sirius interrupted coldly, his mind snapping to the present as he began to thrust into him powerfully, his jaw clenched as spikes of pleasure shot through his body. "Don't talk."

His head lowered to rest against Harry's shoulder as he slammed his length deep inside, moving to the hilt in just a few quick, measured strokes. His breath became slow and laboured as the feel of Harry's ass griping his cock took him to the edge.

Sirius grabbed Harry's shirt within his fists, lifting him from the table slightly with every thrust of his hips. Harry's breath stuttered, held and stuttered again before he began to pant heavily against his hear. He could feel the legs pressed against him tremble as Sirius put more pressure on them, folding them against the chest; Harry's fingers threading into his long hair, holding him fast.

Amidst his lust-driven fever, Sirius realized he had never felt anything so good and he knew he never would. Sweat began to pool on his lower back as his thrusts increased, bringing them both closer to completion.

A creak in the floorboard snapped them to attention.

Harry was standing in the doorway, a look of horror on his face.

* * *

No one said a word. Not even a breath could be heard in the shocked silence. Sirius was convinced if one's heart could freeze within the chest, his did in that instant. Harry looked appalled. The man beneath him looked like a boy caught in wrong-doing and Sirius himself was sure he resembled a ghost.

' _Close enough._ ' Harry's voice echoed in his head but still no one spoke aloud. Sirius wanted to say something to fill the silence that had descended so badly he could feel it catching in his throat, begging for release; some justification for his actions. But what could he say? And so, he remained silent out of fear he would voice the feelings even he hadn't come to fully comprehend yet.

An eternity.

He was certain that was the length of time he had stared into the shocked eyes when the cold descended again: that outer cold he felt in the winter months that chilled his skin and turned his breath to puffs of white air, as the solid warmth beneath his body began to twist and shift and Sirius felt the unmistakable transformation as the polyjuice potion wore off. He closed his eyes against the spark of realization that came to Harry's. The hand still buried within the clothing tightened until pain built in his knuckles. Distantly, Sirius acknowledged the irony of Harry's timing. A few moments later and his eyes would not be filled with such betrayal.

"Should I leave?" Came the unsure voice from beneath him. Sirius could have laughed at the entire situation if it wasn't so dire. In the end, he only nodded in response, straightening his body so he slipped from the boy's warmth, surprised to find himself still hard. Harry turned his head at the action, a look of disgust marring his handsome features. Beyond that, neither Sirius nor Harry paid the boy any further notice as he straightened his clothes and left the room without further complaint.

Now that they were alone, Sirius could almost feel the awkwardness that radiated from the other man as he shifted on his feet, avoiding looking at Sirius at all costs. Sirius, on the other hand, felt strangely calm as he bent to retrieve his jeans and pulled them into place. He was filled with a rueful acceptance. It was somewhat of a relief that the secret obsession that had tormented him for sixth months had finally been released into the open. He laughed suddenly but stopped when it sounded a little too manic to his ears. He turned his back on Harry when he saw the flash of concern reflected in those eyes he loved so much.

He didn't think he could stomach pity, especially from him.

When he felt the hand on his shoulder, he shrugged it off, perhaps more roughly than he intended but he refused to allow himself any remorse. This was who he needed to be; the cruel, unfeeling bastard everyone thought he had become. It was all he could do to survive this confrontation.

He heard Harry draw in a nervous breath behind him and for the first time since the war, Sirius felt helpless.

"Fuck you." His head snapped around. Harry was watching him boldly, unblinking, almost daring him to retaliate.

Sirius laughed again without humor. "That was sort of the point."

"You cut me out of your life." Harry continued ruthlessly, his eyes flashing dangerously. "You've treated me like a stranger and all along you've been hiring someone to look like me so you can fuck him?" He emphasized with a wave of his hand toward the table.

"Say something!" He yelled when Sirius remained silent.

"What do you want me to say, Harry?" Sirius finally replied, his voice barely a whisper. "That I want to fuck my own godson? I think that's been firmly established."

Harry narrowed his eyes at him and bit his lip deliciously before pulling it through his teeth again and again. "You could have said something. I…I would have-"

"What?" Sirius interrupted walking towards him carelessly, ignoring the tense line of his shoulders. "What would you have done? Ignored it while you forced yourself to spend time with your perverted godfather? Signed me up for St Mungo's? I'm not an idiot, I know it's not right but I am so fucking tired Harry…of wanting you. Honestly…I don't really care anymore what you do to me."

There was a long pause. Until it was over, Sirius allowed himself the luxury of thinking he might actually be getting through to him. But then….

"Does this have something to do with my father?"

Sirius felt his heart stop. "What did you say?"

Harry's normally healthy, pale skin turned green as he forced the words out. "I look just like him and it's the only way that makes any sense – why you would do…"

"You think I wanted James?" For the first time Sirius could remember, he raised his voice to Harry, closing in on him, allowing his anger and desperation to come through. "You think I would do this to you for some _fucking_ school-boy crush? Get it through your head Harry! This isn't something you can pass off as delusion. I want you! I can't think of anything else but you, you little shit! I was fucking you, not your father! I just wanted it to stop! I WANT IT TO STOP!"

Sirius was breathing heavily by the time he fell silent, though not from exertion. Running a frustrated hand through his hair, he shook his head in defeat. "You don't have a clue what I want."

Harry's eyes flashed in anger. "How the hell could I when you've barely acknowledged me in months?"

"What else could I do?"

"ANYTHING!"

The words had barely left his mouth before Sirius closed the remaining distance between them and captured Harry's lips in a frenzied, desperate kiss. Harry stumbled backwards with the force of the attack but Sirius responded instinctively before he could fall, catching him and slamming him into the wall at his back. It was the briefest of kisses, or so it felt to Sirius before Harry's hands pushed against his chest and tore them apart. He knew instantly that he had gone too far, that their relationship was irrevocably changed and he was a breath away from apologizing when he saw the shock and anger in Harry's eyes turn to lust.

"Fuck you." He whispered again but there was no anger in his voice, only disbelief and something close to defeat. Within a heartbeat, Harry had laced his fingers around the waistband of Sirius' unbuttoned jeans and pulled him into a kiss.

A kaleidoscope of colours danced behind his eyes but he barely acknowledged the warmth of his mouth or the hardness pressing into his thigh. His body was on over-drive and too many emotions and reactions were firing through his brain. If a single sound was made in the house, he didn't hear it through the pounding in his ears.

Harry moaned softly and suddenly, it was as if his senses were attuned to everything, like his eyes adjusting to a darkened room. He lifted his hand to the back of Harry's head, cradling it within his palm as he devoured what was being offered freely.

When breathing became necessity, Sirius pulled away and attacked his neck with the same fervour, biting back a moan as Harry's fingers dug into the skin on his back.

"Fuck me, Sirius." Harry said huskily, his breath damp and hot along the curve of Sirius' ear as he whispered his name. Sirius tried to respond but Harry pushed hard against him, almost painfully and his brain ceased to function, his breath quickening with every thrust of his hips. He ran his free hand up his clothed chest, pulling desperately at his collar to reveal more flesh.

He froze.

Sirius felt his brows knit together in confusion when he met the soft material wrapped around Harry's neck. He stepped back slowly pulling the scarf with him until it slid free of its safe confines. Sirius stared at the material in his grasp, still warm from Harry's body, in disbelief. He remembered it clearly after all. He remembered wrapping it around the wound on Harry's arm the day they had been reunited.

Harry had kept it all these months…hidden beneath his clothes, hidden from the world.

In the years to come, Sirius would come to realize the importance of that moment; the shift in the air at the discovery, but now, all he could grasp was the glimmer of hope that had welled up from deep inside him.

"Harry-"

But Harry only shook his head, over and over. "No, no…" His jaw clenched and vibrated, genuine dread shinning in his eyes.

"Harry…" Sirius tried again, a silent question lingering in the air.

"No." He said firmly. "It means nothing."

Sirius did not know who Harry was trying to convince with that statement but, with something akin to fear, he pushed his way from the room and fled into the darkness leaving the treasured scarf clenched within Sirius' fingers.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I am not JK Rowling and I do not own Harry Potter. I am not making money from this story, it is purely for entertainment.

* * *

 **Chapter 3:**

The house was so quiet that Sirius couldn't use city noise as a reason for his insomnia. He had tried to sleep the previous night but found he had spent most of it rolling over, punching his pillow into a new shape and closing his eyes, but to no avail. Twenty-four hours later, Sirius was sitting at the dining table, twisting the old, faded scarf through his fingertips; his eyes bloodshot.

 _You've treated me like a stranger and all along you've been hiring someone to look like me so you can fuck him?_

Put that way, it sounded so cold. The fact that it was true made it worse. He would never forget the look of betrayal in Harry's eyes. Sirius wanted to defend himself, scream at anyone who would listen that it hadn't been so sordid for him, that it came from something more than lust but there was no one to listen.

Harry had not come back.

Heat sneaked through him. He told himself it was exhaustion. He had the right to it. He hadn't felt at peace in so long that he had begun to wonder if he had never really come back to life. Perhaps, this was his own personal hell: condemned to want the one thing he could never really have.

There was no answer to his question but the twisting, gnawing ache that was both lust and something deeper, more dangerous that he hadn't voiced since his first night with the imposter. Love. He knew that heat, that feeling in the pit of his stomach was because of what he done, how he had made Harry feel. His brilliant plan had been so well thought out when Harry had been completely unaware of it.

The knowledge that, not only did Harry want him, but felt something more than platonic affection made his jaw clench in frustration. It all seemed so simple now the truth was out. If only he had been honest from the beginning, Harry may have wanted more than an angry kiss in the heat of the moment. Sirius was sure he had returned home to his girlfriend and some sense of normalcy, all convincing him that what he felt was wrong and that Sirius did not deserve anything after what he had done.

It was all too easy to jump to this conclusion. Harry had not come back.

Sirius stiffened when the flames grew large and turned green, his godson's form stumbling into the room. For a brief, desperate moment, visions of Harry declaring his love danced behind his eyes. Instead, Harry smiled and shuffled on his feet in apparent nervousness.

"I wasn't sure if you wanted me to come back after what happened last night but we agreed the week, right?"

Sirius glanced at the grandfather clock towering in the corner. Eight o'clock sharp. He let out a bitter laugh and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Just go." He said flatly, covering his face with his hands. "Deal's off."

"I thought this was what you wanted?" Sirius closed his eyes and breathed, just taking in his voice for a minute.

"No." He replied finally, his voice muffled behind his hands. "It's not enough, not anymore. Go home, kid."

"Why?"

Sirius huffed in irritation but he was too tired to feel any real anger. "You know for someone whose career is built around satisfaction, you don't listen worth a damn."

Sirius leaned back in his chair, trying to ignore the ache radiating through his back at the movement and watched the figure before him move steadily closer. In that moment, it was like his whole world had been pin-holed to this one person. It wasn't until the scent of him assailed him that Sirius realized the only thing separating him from Harry was a few feet. He peered into the bright green eyes and tried to steady the pounding in his heart. It was all too tiring. His eyes were trying to close.

"I hurt him and I'll never forgive myself for it." Sirius sighed, finally naming the sinking feeling in his stomach: Shame. Truth, wielded like a sword, wielded against himself in punishment for his actions, his callousness. "All of this just proves he's better off without me in his life. I can't give him what he needs…"

"No matter what he thinks he feels." He finished, stroking his fingertips over the scarf that lay on the table, his eyes closing again as an iron fist wrapped around his stomach at the thought of never seeing him again. It was suffocating.

"So, it wasn't just sex?" Harry whispered. Sirius eyes flew open at how close he sounded. He hovered over him, hands braced on the back of the chair at either side of his head. "You're in love with him? For who he is not who you want him to be?"

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked, his voice cracking on an uneven breath.

"You're hard."

"It doesn't matter-"

His voice closed over as Harry lowered himself into his lap, his hips pressing against Sirius'. He was hard too. Sirius felt his brain turn to fog and his hands moved of their own accord to his hips, pulling him closer. He turned his head to the side sharply when Harry tried to kiss him.

"I told you, not that."

"You've kissed me before, Sirius."

"What?"

"Last night." Sirius blinked in surprise and looked up into the dark green eyes burning into his.

"How did you know that?" Harry responded by nipping Sirius' lip and rubbing his cock harder. Sirius groaned as the truth assaulted him. "You came back."

Harry laughed sadly, skimming a hand down Sirius' side, lips trailing heat across his jaw, coming to rest against his ear. "Couldn't stay away. I just needed to know for sure why you…"

"I know." Sirius' hand moved up his back, slipping under his shirt then back down again seeking to map out every inch of his damp, warm skin. Harry's breath quickened with the pace of his hips. "I'm so sorry-"

"Did you really think some imposter would ever be good enough, Sirius?" Sirius tried to respond but his tongue felt heavy in his mouth with every thrust of his hips. "How did you not see how I felt every time you saw me? I thought you knew…that's why you avoided me….I thought I disgusted you."

"Christ…I don't remember...You could never-"

Control was never a problem for Sirius, not during sex at least but every word, every thrust was pushing him to the brink. He released the death grip he had on Harry's hip and cupped his neck, pulling him into a kiss. Harry's lips parted, tongue leisurely delving into Sirius' mouth as if he'd been waiting a lifetime for him to take the initiative. The hot heavy sounds of his breath, the feel of his body, the taste of him, all of it overwhelmed the outside world for Sirius. The darkness of the room closed in around them until there was nothing but their touch; Harry's hands wrapped around his neck, Sirius' cradling his face.

His stomach fluttered with warmth. Sirius breathed Harry's name, tilting his head and capturing his lips again, meeting his tongue with a fierceness born out of weeks and years of denial.

"Harry, I can't…"

Sirius' fingers twisted and tangled tighter into the black, messy hair, then started to cramp, but the pace of Harry's hips wouldn't allow him to unclench them. Muscles tensed, hips stuttering, breath held, Sirius came quietly, with a clipped moan and a deep shudder.

The satisfied smile that appeared on Harry's face, the needy moan that escaped from between his lips urged Sirius to push back against his hips. Reaching down, Sirius buckled his hands under his knees and lifted him on top of the table, coming to his feet in the same fluid motion. Sirius brushed his lips against Harry's forehead, tasting salt and sweat and every one of his fantasies. His pulse began to stutter and race again the sight of him spread out on the table, his stomach heaving with breaths, lips wet and eyes dazed made Sirius realize how desperately he needed to be inside him.

Sirius took a deep breath and got himself under control. This was not about him. It was about Harry, broken and bruised by the world and refusing to give up, never asking for anything in return.

 _You're in love with him? For who he is not who you want him to be?_

Staring into his eyes, Sirius unbuttoned Harry's jeans and pushed his shirt up with gentle fingers, exposing the pale, toned skin hidden beneath. He traced each muscle with tongue, revelling in how his stomach quivered against his lips as he curled his fingers into Sirius' hair.

"So perfect." Sirius whispered, gliding his hand further up his chest, his fingers running over the faint scars the war had left behind. There were so many.

Harry stiffened slightly.

"Don't" Sirius soothed, his tongue dipping into Harry's belly button. Harry relaxed. Gripping the sides of his jeans, Sirius jerked them down below his waist, exposing his hardness to the air. Sweat pooled in the small of Sirius' back and trickled down his neck as he wrapped his hand around his cock, his mouth watering at the single, clear drop that glistened in the slit.

"Sirius." Harry murmured, arching his back and pulling Sirius' mouth closer to his skin. Sirius took the hint and flicked his tongue into the slit before his mouth closed around the head, feeling his pulse beating raggedly along the vein. Sirius held fast to his hips, swallowing more of his length without hesitation as he began to moan and writhe beneath him; the skin becoming wetter and wetter, teasing until, with every breath, he gasped out a curse.

"I'm going to come, Sirius."

Sirius ignored the warning and began to move the hand wrapped around the base faster in time with his mouth. Fingers clenched in his hair and yanked as Harry came with a deep roar; body tensed and breath shuddered. The strong, bitter taste filled Sirius' mouth and he swallowed without faltering, mesmerized by the way Harry stared at him intently as he released him and licked his lips clean.

Pushing himself on his forearms, Harry tugged on Sirius' hair, pulling upwards until Sirius lay draped across him and moved in for kiss. With his free hand, Sirius stroked the sensitive skin beneath his shirt, his heart soaring when Harry laughed against his mouth, soft and deep; more air than voice.

"What happens now?" Harry asked softly when they finally pulled apart, his eyes suddenly serious.

Sirius took a deep breath and pushed the sweat-drenched hair from Harry's forehead. "I don't know."

"What you did...hiring that person." Harry began, his voice cracking from some unknown emotion. "You violated my privacy."

Sirius closed his eyes. "I know."

"It wasn't real, Sirius. Whatever you did with him, it wasn't real."

Sirius nodded. He couldn't do anything else. Every word was the truth. He feared that Harry would never be able to trust him, again, to forgive him and Sirius would have to spend the rest of his life alone, all too aware now of what it had been like to hold everything in his arms, even if it had only been a night. Sirius eyes flew open when Harry's knuckles brushed against his cheek.

"But this," Harry continued, running his fingers through Sirius' tousled hair. "This was real."

"I'll never forget it."


End file.
